Referee training camp.

Heard from Sonja throughout the day:


"I love you, Haven."


"I don't want Haven!"


"Here, Haven. This is for you."


"No, Haven! It's my toy!"


And on and on...


I was never a big sister, so I can't relate to what Sonja is going through. But I recognize how tough and confusing it must be to love someone so much, yet also feel such intense competition and jealousy for things like Mom's attention, toys and food, amongst other things.

When Sonja deliberately does something to make Haven upset (hitting is a common example), I know she's trying to tell me that she wants my attention. I know this because she shows no remorse for her actions; the act was a means to an end. In this case, we have to prompt her to apologize to Haven and have yet another conversation about using her words to ask Mommy for attention, or whatever it was she needed at the time.

When something happens accidentally and Haven is hurt, Sonja is often reduced to tears and becomes almost inconsolable. In this case, Sonja always apologizes immediately, albeit to Peter and me and not so much to Haven. But it's times like this where I see Sonja's true feelings for Haven: she loves her fiercely and is very protective.


The most valuable thing I've learned recently is that Haven gives as good as she gets. This knowledge has been tempered by the realization that when I've run into the room in response to a screaming baby, I have been assuming that Sonja is the one causing the trouble. I now know that Haven is an accomplished actress and is skilled at using her shriek to evoke my mistaken response. In other words, Haven is an eleven-month-old drama queen who has been playing me like piano.

So I started to spy on them a little when they were playing alone in Sonja's room. Here's a typical scenario: Sonja tries to hug or kiss Haven and Haven lets out a blood-curdling scream while trying to scratch Sonja's face. This is normally where I would burst in and ask Sonja what was going on and ask her to tell me what she had done to make Haven cry. You can bet Haven was a little put off when instead of coming to her rescue, I told her to be gentle and nice to Sonja. Of course, Sonja did her fair share of poking, pushing and hitting, but by the end of my little spy session, the score was pretty even.


Why do I get the feeling that I'm just in training for the big show?