Before having kids, I was on the fence about whether or not I wanted to be a parent. I remember Peter having to convince me that we were ready to start trying for a baby. Well, it's not like he had to twist my arm, but I was afraid - like a lot of people tend to be - that I wasn't parent material. I was afraid I was too selfish and I'm not going to lie; I still wonder sometimes. ...I can't help but read that last sentence and laugh a little; I really don't do very much that is strictly for myself anymore, because I am definitely that mom who stops and realizes that not only has she not showered that day, she has oatmeal in her hair and her kid's snot on her shirt.
But a funny thing happened when Sonja was just over a year old: suddenly I was the one convincing Peter that it was time to try for a second. I think I was as surprised as he was, but I hoped our kids would be around two years apart ...and I also told him that if we waited too long, I wouldn't want to go back to the beginning again.
I'd always pictured myself with at least one son; I was sure Sonja was a boy, until the ultrasound claimed otherwise. You would think that when I was pregnant the second time I would have been hoping for that boy, right? When Sonja was first born, I would have said yes. But as she grew, I started to think about growing up without a sister and knew that even though I'd love a son, I'd be ecstatic to be a mom to sisters. And ecstatic I was.
Both my girls are so individual; a lot of similarities, but enough differences that I often hope they will be allies in this life, drawing on the others' strengths to learn and grow.
When I think about my daughters, I sometimes remember the conversations Peter and I had before I was pregnant; if we had waited at all, we wouldn't have this family. Sure, we would have other fantastic kids, but we wouldn't have these kids. I can honestly say that I am so blessed to have these kids. They drive me absolutely crazy a lot of the time, but they are loving, they are funny, and they have taught me more than I ever thought possible.
Three years ago today, Haven Joy Erickson was born. She raced headlong into the world and has continued along that trajectory without fail ...except those first couple of months when she slept all the time; she was just resting up, apparently. Haven is a loud, happy, unflinching force of nature who is always ready for a cuddle. She specializes in zerbuts, climbing, and roping her pushover mom into carrying her around. She is as bright-eyed as they come and idolizes her big sister because she knows the real deal when she sees it. Her mama didn't raise no fool, so they say.
We love you to absolute bits, Haven. Here's to you, Baby Girl.
