There are times when I know I'm a bummer. Sonja will be playing an elaborate make-believe game and try to weave me into it and I just shut it down. I get busy and involved doing mundane things like cleaning and driving and cooking and I can't participate at that moment, so I have to tell her I can't play. Lame.
Is this the whole truth? Well, not entirely. While it's true that I can't play while driving and it's tough to play while cooking and cleaning, it doesn't mean I can't participate, it means I choose not to. The fact is that most of time I'm not interested in playing so I use my tasks and chores as an excuse not to play. Also lame. ...The truth, in this case, is lamer than fiction.
What if I turned off the vacuum and joined the game for a minute or two before going back to the task? What if I put down the vegetable peeler or turned down the burner for ten minutes to play? I mean, it would only postpone supper for ten minutes, right? What if while I'm driving I just try to sing along or engage Sonja in what could turn out to be our family car game? Why not?
I know I'm not the Mom who is "on" all the time; that just isn't me. I enjoy spending as much time as I can with my kids and my family, but I absolutely savour the time I have to myself. I also just shut myself off sometimes and I must acknowledge that. I choose to retreat.
Every Mom I know retreats to some extent and in turn, kids have become experts in repetitive attention-getting. They seemingly never tire of saying "Mommy" over and over again until you are worn down and exasperated. Well, there's a reason they are so good at it, yeah? They practise while we Moms daydream or talk to a friend or surf the net.
None of this is meant to shame anyone, it's simply an observation I've made of myself and I've lumped every other Mom into the equation to make myself feel better, because it's nice to know I'm not the only one.
There will come a time when I will think back to these days and look back at these photos and wonder where my little Wild Thing went. And did I make the time to join her? Are they memories of watching her play, or are they memories of all the great games we played together?
You are not the only one.
ReplyDeleteYou certainly are not the only one! There were times I had to shut off the noise of four kids wanting "Mommy!!" I wondered if I was a terrible Mom because I shut you all off at times or had to get out for some "me" time. I might never have been "Mother of the Year" but I did stay sane with my down time and I DO have wonderful memories of all of my kids. Love you.
ReplyDeletethis is a fact of motherhood, I really don't think we could survive without out the "me time",sometimes they use it against you, but until they are a parent they won't understand, they will though, just like we did!
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