Differences.

I remember when Peter and I were deciding when we wanted to start trying for our second child and every time I would meet a Mom with two or more little ones, I would ask her questions about how she had managed the transition from one to two babies. I was fortunate enough to meet Moms who were honest and said that it was not easy, but you just have to roll with the punches. It was pretty much what I already expected, but it was so valuable talking with women who had been through it so recently.


And now I am one of those Moms whom other women ask about the transition from one to two babies.  It's been a curious role for me.  I guess I've just had my head down, focusing on how to balance my attentions between my girls and I didn't realize that other women would want to hear how things are going and how I'm managing.  I must say, I quite like it.  


I spoke with a Mom of an eighteen-month-old boy at Strong Start the other day and she and her husband are thinking about trying to start for their second child.  My immediate inclination was to tell her not to think about it too much but to just do it, which is essentially what we did.  But I could see in her face and hear in her voice that although she yearned for another baby, she wasn't necessarily keen on another pregnancy, and she wasn't sure what the effect of a second child would be on her son.  


So I changed my answer and was honest: my second pregnancy was much, much harder than my first, I had a tremendous amount of Mommy guilt at not being able to spend as much time with Sonja as I had been used to doing, and it was worth all of that to have Haven with us now.  I could tell by her relieved smile that she appreciated my honesty.  She wants to go into the next pregnancy with her eyes open and she needed someone to reassure her of what she already knew: that it wouldn't be easy, but it would be worth it.

Pregnant with Sonja.

Pregnant with Haven.

She then asked if Haven was learning things or reaching milestones faster than Sonja did.  I had to stop and think.  The answer is no, really.  Sonja and Haven reached physical and cognitive milestones at a similar rate, but in terms of learning, they have simply grasped things differently.  Things that Sonja didn't do, Haven has done quite readily and vice versa.


For example, Sonja just did not get the concept of the Jolly Jumper.  She would stand and look at me with a confused look, twirl around on a toe, and occasionally lift her legs and dangle, but she would not bend her knees and jump no matter what I tried.  In the end, she would start crying for me to get her out of the confounded contraption.  On the other hand, Haven started bouncing the moment I put her in the Jolly Jumper and would happily jump for twenty minutes or more at a time.


Another example is walking.  Pretty much as soon as Sonja was able to stand with help, she would move her little feet and walk along holding our hands or cruise the furniture.  Haven is still figuring out that she has to move her feet at all and that rooting her feet to the floor and leaning in the general direction of her destination will not miraculously get her there. 


I absolutely love these differences.  My unique little Babes.  

Sonja.

Haven.