Start/stop.

I love my blog. I do. There have been several times in the last month-and-a-half where I've thought, "I need to write about this." ...but then I don't.

I've had a difficult time organizing my thoughts. I've been even more scattered than usual. I've often been thankful for my family for giving me a routine and a sense of purpose, even though I sometimes feel constrained by it. I was thankful for Christmas for giving me an end goal, but at the same time, Christmas was a bit strange. 

It's been a very odd few months since my Mom died; she lived so far away that I didn't miss her from my daily life, but I could no longer just pick up my phone and call her. And I've had the urge to call her all the time. So it's been a lot of start/stop in my head; I'll wonder about something or have a question and think, "I'll call Mom," and feel comforted by the thought that she'll have the answer, only to realize that she won't be there to pick up the phone. 

And so my family is my focus and my all-important foreground. They are right in front of me and as much as there are days when feel like I could easily stay in bed and hide, my family reminds me that life is now. The sadness can come along, but  life is now. I certainly don't think my Mom would want me to miss out on any of it.