Promises.

Sleep. We gotta have it, we go crazy without it. I put so much emphasis and importance on my girls' sleep. I jump through hoops to ensure they are rested, because it improves the quality of their lives, but also (mostly) because it improves the quality of mine. But apparently, I do not place this same value on my own sleep. Maybe it's because my sleep has been a secondary consideration since Sonja was born almost three years ago. Probably because I learned in the process that focusing on and straining to get as much sleep as possible only drove me to tears. I've developed a lackadaisical mindset about my own sleep; easy come, easy go. 


My mind and my body are not in agreement on the subject.


I've been telling myself for weeks (months) that I will go to bed early tonight. I will put the girls to bed and be in bed within an hour. I promise myself every day when I get up that tonight is the night I will get a decent night's rest. And then the girls are in bed and I suddenly have all this time to myself and the clock is ticking and it's just so delicious having all this free time and oh, I've got at least an hour before it's considered late so I'll just relish this free time and then all or a sudden it's ten minutes to midnight and I've squandered another opportunity. Damn. When morning arrives after being up with Haven once or twice, I'm lucky if I got four consecutive hours and really lucky if I got six total hours of sleep and I start making my promises again.


Tonight is the night.