Sparks.

A friend of mine recently wrote a blog entry about her six-year old daughter. Apparently her daughter's playmates have decided they don't want to play with her anymore. My friend has talked with her about making new friends, but it doesn't seem to be helping; she is spending her lunch times walking around alone. My friend is understandably heartbroken over this, as any Mom would be. She says she is crying about it when her daughter is not around and I know I would do the same.

I was that kid. I spent countless lunch times wandering alone around the schoolyard, watching other kids run around and play together. Don't get me wrong, I also played a lot with other kids, but it's the times I was alone that stick with me. Young kids get really caught up in cliques, popularity and appearances. Not unlike being an adult, right? Right, but I felt far more powerless about it when I was eight than when I was twenty-eight. And besides, by the time I was twenty-eight, I didn't give a shit what people thought anymore. But the point is that there were big differences for the reasons people didn't like me as a kid, as opposed to why they may not like me as an adult.

When I was in grade eight, my Mom heard about an opening at a low-rent housing unit. There were a few of these in town, and it would have been an exciting move for us. In the end, we weren't accepted, but when it was still up in the air, I was excited at the possibility. I was talking with a girl in one of my classes and I found out she lived in the same area. I was pretty sure she meant she lived in the same housing complex and I told her that my Mom and I might be her neighbours. She was excited and happy for us. As we talked about it further, she hesitated and asked again where we were moving. I explained it was the town-house complex and her facial expression changed immediately. She made an excuse and left and basically never spoke with me again. Turns out, she lived in one of the big, expensive houses down the street from the low-rent complex. Well, la-dee-da.

I also remember being ousted from peer circles for not having nice enough clothes, shoes, haircuts, whatever. I'm not trying to say that it was never a fault of my own, I did my fair share of pissing people off, but it sure hurt more when I was edged out for things I was unable to control.

As an adult, we tend to just keep our distance from people we don't mesh with or like. And although I'm positive that adults judge others by what they wear, what they drive, and any number of other reasons, personality is by far the biggest factor. If we don't share the same interests, ideals, points-of-view, etc, chances are we won't be hanging out no matter what you wear, drive or do. If you dress crazy and are a complete eccentric but our personalities mesh, we'll be friends. 

My friend's girl has an active imagination and it seems she may be misunderstood by her classmates. I told her that most kids "are afraid of differences because they don't want to stand out. But remember: as adults we often value and treasure the folks who aren't afraid to stand out. Don't ever let her forget that. Don't let that spark be doused!"

Here's to keeping those sparks stoked and burning bright.