Semantics.

"You're not a kid anymore." Is there a more depressing utterance in the English language?


In many ways, I'm glad I'm not a child anymore. I really didn't enjoy the social awkwardness and competitiveness of school, either elementary or secondary. In many ways I didn't feel up to the task; I desperately wanted to be liked, but I always felt on the periphery despite, or maybe due to, how hard I tried. From a social standpoint, I wouldn't go back to my school days if you paid me.


I also do not miss my many agonized days of self-doubt and complete lack of confidence. Oh, I always put up an impressive front of arrogance and self-sufficience, but inside I wanted someone to just live my life for me so I wouldn't screw everything up. This isn't to say that I have exorcised self-doubt and lack of confidence from my life, far from it. I've just come to accept that they are barriers I've built all on my own and because they are mine, they are mine to scale and raze. No matter what happened to me in my life, no one and nothing forced me to build walls; every tool mark in those walls was put there by me.

But there are implications in the saying "you're not a kid anymore" that I simply can't abide. Show me the rulebook or constitution that states that there is an age limit on being a "kid". Sure, we have to be responsible for our actions and accountable to ourselves and the people around us, I'm not saying any different. I take it more literally: "you're not a kid anymore" is not the same as saying "you're an adult now". It's just not, because there is a vast difference between being an "adult" and being "not a kid". Even though we all wanted to grow up and be "grown up" didn't mean that we ever imagined we would stop being "kids"; not really. 


My mother-in-law told me over the weekend how her Mom grew more and more uptight as she grew older. She said her Mom wasn't all that comfortable having the grandkids in her house because they were "so messy". I laughed heartily when she told me this, because I had spoken recently with other people who had recounted similar tales and it really solidified my theory about people who live their lives being "not a kid". I can appreciate not liking messes, but to have that keep you from enjoying the company of your grandchildren speaks to an inability to relate to kids, not because you're a bad person (of course not), but because you have removed yourself from the realm of being a kid. Let me reiterate: you have removed yourself. 


No one and nothing makes us grow older, as long as we feed and look after ourselves, our bodies do that all on their own. But "you're not a kid anymore" is not decided by our cells, hormones or genes, it is decided by us. 


Get out there and get messy, people.