Come back to me.

It's all the little things adding up to a big mess. We took away Sonja's Soose. Haven demands a lot of my time. Peter is away a lot lately. I'm exhausted and my fuse gets short. Haven and Sonja have both been sick, so we've stayed home all week and everyone is bored. I could rattle off an impressive list, but you get the picture.

Sonja is three-years old and I sometimes think that she will always be this contrary, she will always be this defiant. I know that she misses her Soose, I know that she is jealous of Haven, but I hate that most of the attention she gets lately is negative. I want her to be happy, I want to lavish her with praise, but I can't praise her for hitting Haven, not finishing her supper, ignoring me or throwing things.

I tell myself that things will turn around and I'll soon recognize my Baby Girl again, but I'm very frustrated. I'm just really sad about the whole thing. 

Sonja, four-months old.

This afternoon, I took Sonja with me when I went to the grocery store; just the two of us. And the change in her was incredible. She sat in the seat in the grocery cart and she was smiling and happy and she kept hugging and kissing me. It was a wonderful time and neither of us wanted to leave. We kept circling around the store, even though we had already picked out all the things we needed to buy. But as soon as we arrived home, everything returned to being difficult and it made me want to cry or scream. Both, really. 

I've wanted for a long while to spend more one-on-one time with Sonja, but it hasn't been easy. No more: I'm making it a priority, because things can't keep on they way they have been going.

Come back to me, Sonja. Mama misses her Special Little Girl.