Bittersweet bye-bye.

Sonja was always a "sucky" girl. For the first five weeks of her life, when she wasn't eating or sleeping (well, sometimes when she was sleeping), she sucked on a finger, either Peter's or mine. I realized that things couldn't continue this way one day when I was trying to drive while sticking my hand in her rear-facing car seat to try to pacify Sonja with my finger. That was when the hunt for a soother began in earnest.

I tried at least five different types of soothers before hitting pay dirt: the Gerber Natural Flex pacifier. I still remember tearing it from the package in the store where I bought it (I know, I know, you're supposed to sterilize them first, but I was a desperate woman) and sticking it in Sonja's screaming mouth, fully expecting her to spit it out. Well, it was as if a huge catholic choir staring singing "Aaahhh!" as the clouds parted and the sun shone through the rain. I had finally found The One.

Thus began Sonja's love affair with her Soosoo, or Soose as it's become known in our house. It was an absolute lifesaver time and again. Anytime Sonja was sleepy, agitated, bored, upset... the Soose was the go-to solution and it never failed. It was an absolute must on car trips, while in the run stroller or while going to sleep. Sooses have absolutely saved my sanity on several occasions and I've owed them big time for the last three years.

They say all good things must come to an end and this is especially true with the Soose. Since Sonja's Sooses are non-orthodontic soothers, her little teeth are noticeably bucked. I've been worried that Sonja's adult teeth may also be bucked and she may need braces, although I've spoken to my dentist about it and he said that only time will tell. There's a good chance that they will grow in perfectly straight, but he made it abundantly clear that it will only happen if we break her of the soother habit as soon as possible.

Easier said than done.

I've known for a long time that Peter and I are just as hooked on Sooses as Sonja, if not a little more so. The convenience and almost instantaneous calming effect is pretty hard to beat. 

Sooses have been relegated to nap time and bed time for quite a while now, but Sonja still finds ways to sneak one while she's watching her favourite TV show or playing quietly in her room. And I don't help with this at all... I'm always letting her have a Soose while the girls are in the run stroller (it keeps Sonja from bugging Haven if Haven's trying to sleep), or on long car rides. Basically, I give Sonja a Soose when it makes my life easier.

One major exception was when Sonja broke her leg last summer. I remember as we were leaving to take her to the hospital, I ran back inside and found her a Soose. I think Sonja had a Soose in her mouth in almost every photo taken while she was in her body cast, and we were more than happy to let her have it. She needed all the comfort she could get. Soose saves the day again.

I've had in my mind for the last year that we would take the Soose away when Sonja turned three. I told her that when her birthday arrived, we would be saying bye-bye to Sooses and although she understood, she didn't seem as excited as I was trying to be. Well, the day of her birthday, Sonja developed a fever and lost her appetite; she didn't even finish her birthday dinner or eat her cupcake. Peter and I just didn't have the heart to enforce our Soose-Extraction Strategy that night and so her birthday passed and the Soose remained.

No more.

Yesterday at nap time, Peter took Sonja to bed, read her story and tucked her in. She of course asked for a Soose and Peter explained that today was the day we were saying goodbye to Sooses. She wasn't impressed and I can't say I blame her. After all, her birthday was two weeks ago and I think she thought we had forgotten about the whole thing. 

In the end, yesterday turned out to be a napless day; Sonja just didn't fall asleep without her old friend. But by the time bedtime came around, I think she knew that resistance was futile; she was too sleepy to stay awake in protest. And so, for the first time in almost three years, Sonja slept an entire night Soose-free. And she had a successful nap today, also sans-Soose. I am so proud.

So why then do I feel kinda sad about the whole thing? I do. I left Sonja's bedroom last night and I just felt... sad. Peter and I talked about it and I realized that the Soose is like the last vestige of Sonja's babyhood; once you put a Soose in her mouth, she's my little baby again. No Soose, no baby. It's all Big-Girl Land from here on out.


And as usual, this significant milestone is harder on me than it is on Sonja. I have a feeling that will never change.