As much as it kills me.

I can't do anything for my kids. I mean, I can help them with things and guide them, but when it comes down to it I can't step in and do things in their place. They need to experience the world on their own terms as much as possible and I'm beginning to realize more and more that my job is to let them do it. On their own and for themselves. As much as it kills me sometimes. 


I hope that forcing myself to learn this now will make things easier when they're older, but I highly doubt it. Wishful thinking at its wishingest and I'm positive of that.


I don't think of myself as a control freak, but I suspect that I have those tendencies and I just don't want to admit it. Maybe if I just accept it, I can work step by step to move past it..? Hello, my name is Sara and I'm a control freak...


And the deeper I get into this, the more I see that I just want my kids to like me and want me around when they're older. So whatever you do Sara, don't crowd them and suffocate them and micromanage them and breathe down their necks. And don't nag. Oooo... too late on that last one for sure. Shit.