Once Little: Mom's night out.

When I dropped Sonja and Haven off with Peter's parents yesterday, I honestly wasn't prepared for how hard it was going to be to leave them there and drive away. Haven sensed something was up when I put her down for her nap before I left; I can't remember the last time she clung to me so tightly as I put her into bed.

But once I left, things felt even more strange; I returned home and it was silent. No kids, no dog, just me. Eerie! I showered, dressed, gathered up my things, called a cab and arrived at Harbour Air on time for my flight. Yes, I took the float plane from Victoria harbour to Vancouver harbour like a rock star, thanks to my wonderful husband. Thirty-five minutes instead of almost two hours on the ferry? Yes, please!

A short plane trip, shuttle bus, seabus, taxi and I was sitting in the hotel with Peter drinking a gin and tonic (the first of the evening). We then got ready and met some great friends for food and drinks before heading to the party.

I need to pause here to say that I'm such a mom. I thought about the girls the entire time I was traveling and I even called Peter's mom while I was in the cab to the hotel; I just needed to hear their voices and know everything was alright. To be clear, I knew they were okay; I never doubted for a minute that things would be just fine. But after almost four years of close-contact motherhood, it's wrenchingly hard to step away.

It was a super-fun night. I got to catch up with several people I haven't seen in a really long time. Many people I worked with in Vancouver at a company called Sugoi now work at Arc'teryx, the company where Peter is a sales manager. It was pretty funny that for some of them, the last time we saw each other I was single and childless and now I am married with two children. But honestly, it was just refreshing to spend so much time not talking about my kids.

The nightclub was great; lots of photos and so many awesome people. I danced a bit and I drank more than I planned to, but kept things in control; very unlike me. And although I definitely didn't feel great today, I was upright and functioning.

And then I remembered one of the many reasons I wanted to take it easy on the alcohol: I can't sleep when I'm drunk. I pass out just fine, but within a couple hours I'm awake and can't get back to sleep. Of course when I woke up, I automatically started thinking about Sonja and Haven. I ached to see them. And so went the night; instead of getting a blissful, uninterrupted sleep and even sleeping in, I tossed and turned and had cramps in my calves and feet from the dehydration. The phrase "too old for this" occurred to me before I finally drifted off again.

Getting back to the island and my girls was a visceral and magnetic pull. As much as I loved getting away and having quality time with Peter, I experienced a physical reaction to not seeing them; a withdrawal. Even so, I look forward to getting time away again because I know it's so good for all of us. Nothing like a bit of breathing room.