The only "real" girl.

When I was small, I was sure that I was alone in the world, because I knew in my bones that everyone around me was wearing a mask; they were not who they appeared to be. If I could go back in time, I would find out when I first saw the film Planet of the Apes, because I was convinced that underneath their fleshy facades, everyone except me was an ape-like creature.


When I say everyone, I mean everyone; even my Mom and the rest of my immediate family. Similarly to how some kids believed that their toys came alive when they left the room (yes, that notion existed before Toy Story), I sincerely believed that when I exited a room, all the apes shed their strange costumes. I distinctly remember rushing into rooms that I had left seconds before, trying to catch these beasts by surprise before they could finish squeezing back into their disguises.


The interesting thing to note is that I was not afraid of being surrounded by bizarre ape-slash-humanoids. In fact, I don't recall being distressed that I was the only "real" girl in the world, I was merely certain of the fact and amused that everyone was so diligent in keeping up the charade. It became a game: I would try my hardest to catch them uncloaked and they would do their best to keep from being found out. It was almost ridiculous that they didn't realize I already knew their secret; they were working tirelessly for nothing. The question is how did I find out in the first place? If I had to guess, I would say the entire concept came to me in a dream, one that should likely have been a nightmare, but was softened and de-villainized in the expanses of my young, imaginative brain. I'd like to say "you can't make this stuff up", but in this case...


The last time I remember living with the ape-people, I was around five-years old. I think this is significant, because it coincides with my entrance into Kindergarten. I'm pretty sure that once I started school, my mind was stimulated enough to switch gears and start focusing on the realities in my world, rather than the things I merely believed in; the ape-people were entertainment and school, social games and real life were serious business. Interesting that once I saw other people as "real" people, I began to learn what masks truly were.


I often think back to being four- or five-years old, so convinced that I was the sole human in a world of impostors. Shouldn't I have been the one trying to hide and disguise myself from them? Why were they so afraid to show themselves? And what would the answers to these questions say about the kid I was and the woman I am now? Truthfully, I don't want to know; any attempt at explanation would just ruin a fond, if admittedly weird, childhood memory.