Grow up.

I'm starting to re-think the way I use the term "big girl".  It's a fine term as long as it's used in a positive way: "You're so good at climbing into your big-girl bed!"  But not so great when it's used in a not-so-positive way: "You're a big girl now and big girls don't act that way!"  I've have said both these things to my daughter Sonja.  Shame on me.  Because although she is getting bigger everyday, and she is so much older and capable than my seven-month-old daughter Haven, she isn't even three-years old yet, which means she has barely outgrown being a baby.  The only reason I started to call her a big girl at all was because Haven was born.  If we hadn't had another baby, would I still be insisting that Sonja was a big girl?  

When I praise Sonja for being a big girl, it's a positive, encouraging statement that will build her confidence.  But when I use the term "big girl" in a negative way, it really does nothing but confuse Sonja and damage her confidence.  It hurts her feelings.  

I had been feeling badly about the whole "big girl" thing for awhile and talked about it with a friend of mine who is an early-childhood educator.  She said using "big girl" in a negative way is exactly the same as saying "just grow up".  That hit me hard, and I knew I had to make a change.  It's a subtle change, but I'm surprised how often I start to say "big girl" before I remember and re-word my sentence.  

Once Haven is 2 and Sonja is 4, I know I'm going to look at Haven and realize just how little Sonja was when I was carelessly throwing around the "big girl" bomb.   Thank goodness I'm figuring this out now, instead of too late.