As bright-eyed as they come.

Before having kids, I was on the fence about whether or not I wanted to be a parent. I remember Peter having to convince me that we were ready to start trying for a baby. Well, it's not like he had to twist my arm, but I was afraid - like a lot of people tend to be - that I wasn't parent material. I was afraid I was too selfish and I'm not going to lie; I still wonder sometimes. ...I can't help but read that last sentence and laugh a little; I really don't do very much that is strictly for myself anymore, because I am definitely that mom who stops and realizes that not only has she not showered that day, she has oatmeal in her hair and her kid's snot on her shirt. 

But a funny thing happened when Sonja was just over a year old: suddenly I was the one convincing Peter that it was time to try for a second. I think I was as surprised as he was, but I hoped our kids would be around two years apart ...and I also told him that if we waited too long, I wouldn't want to go back to the beginning again.

I'd always pictured myself with at least one son; I was sure Sonja was a boy, until the ultrasound claimed otherwise. You would think that when I was pregnant the second time I would have been hoping for that boy, right? When Sonja was first born, I would have said yes. But as she grew, I started to think about growing up without a sister and knew that even though I'd love a son, I'd be ecstatic to be a mom to sisters. And ecstatic I was.

Both my girls are so individual; a lot of similarities, but enough differences that I often hope they will be allies in this life, drawing on the others' strengths to learn and grow. 

When I think about my daughters, I sometimes remember the conversations Peter and I had before I was pregnant; if we had waited at all, we wouldn't have this family. Sure, we would have other fantastic kids, but we wouldn't have these kids. I can honestly say that I am so blessed to have these kids. They drive me absolutely crazy a lot of the time, but they are loving, they are funny, and they have taught me more than I ever thought possible.

Three years ago today, Haven Joy Erickson was born. She raced headlong into the world and has continued along that trajectory without fail ...except those first couple of months when she slept all the time; she was just resting up, apparently. Haven is a loud, happy, unflinching force of nature who is always ready for a cuddle. She specializes in zerbuts, climbing, and roping her pushover mom into carrying her around. She is as bright-eyed as they come and idolizes her big sister because she knows the real deal when she sees it. Her mama didn't raise no fool, so they say.

We love you to absolute bits, Haven. Here's to you, Baby Girl.

Sonja turns FIVE!

FIVE? Sonja is five? Wow. I used to imagine when Sonja turned five, mostly because even though I have memories of being younger, the majority of my early memories took root when I was five. Five also means she will begin Kindergarten this year and will officially leave Preschool - and babyhood / toddlerhood - behind.

For Sonja's party this year, we went to 4Cats Art Studio for a Pop Art Party. All the kids got to help Sonja create a huge, pop-art butterfly with watercolours and silkscreens. Each child also got to silkscreen their own canvas boards with a cat. They then painted them and took them home at the end of the party. It was a fun day and a great party; I've posted some photos for  you to enjoy.

But this post would not be complete without me saying that I'm still incredulous that the tiny baby born February 21st, 2008 is now such a big kid. When I look at her baby pictures, I feel like that baby was here only yesterday.

As I shake my head at how fast the last five years have flown, I'm also so excited for Sonja; she's a creative, sensitive kid with a wicked sense of humour and an astonishing memory (for everything besides the things Peter and I ask her to do). My every hope is that she retains her wonder and excitement and laughs as much as possible. 

...and listens to me. That would be nice. Happiest of Happy Birthdays, Sonja.

Hold 'em close.

I love you and I'm proud of you both

In so many different ways.

Always remember there was nothing worth sharing 

Like the love that let us share our name.

These are lyrics from a song by the Avett Brothers, a song that has been in and out of my head for months. And as much as it always makes me think of my brothers, I can't look at my own kids without the these particular lines resonating in my heart and mind.

Hold 'em close, people. Be present. Life is now.

Start/stop.

I love my blog. I do. There have been several times in the last month-and-a-half where I've thought, "I need to write about this." ...but then I don't.

I've had a difficult time organizing my thoughts. I've been even more scattered than usual. I've often been thankful for my family for giving me a routine and a sense of purpose, even though I sometimes feel constrained by it. I was thankful for Christmas for giving me an end goal, but at the same time, Christmas was a bit strange. 

It's been a very odd few months since my Mom died; she lived so far away that I didn't miss her from my daily life, but I could no longer just pick up my phone and call her. And I've had the urge to call her all the time. So it's been a lot of start/stop in my head; I'll wonder about something or have a question and think, "I'll call Mom," and feel comforted by the thought that she'll have the answer, only to realize that she won't be there to pick up the phone. 

And so my family is my focus and my all-important foreground. They are right in front of me and as much as there are days when feel like I could easily stay in bed and hide, my family reminds me that life is now. The sadness can come along, but  life is now. I certainly don't think my Mom would want me to miss out on any of it.